I thought I was in tune with my culture. After all, I have more than one e-mail account. I'm on Facebook. I have a blog, for Pete's sake. But my recent post about Peeps taught me otherwise. After I ranted about my discovery of "Holiday" Peeps, a friend pointed out that there were orange pumpkin Peeps at Halloween this year. Whaaaaa???
This news prompted a visit to the Peeps website, which I accessed through Google. You know, because I am culturally atune and all. What I learned about marshmallow treats just nearly blew my mind. (I know what you are thinking: For chrissakes, get a job! Get a life! Get a book off the shelf!) But I think I might just qualify as an expert on Peeps, and here are some highlights of what I learned:
Not only are there Holiday Peeps in the shapes of trees, stars, and reindeers, and Halloween Peeps shaped like pumpkins, ghosts and cats, there are heart and teddy bear shaped Peeps for Valentines Day, and stars and chicks for Fourth of July! I am not sure what chicks have to do with our country's independence, but I am positive that any man who gave me marshmallows for Valentines Day would not be getting any sugar in return!
I thought Peeps just tasted sickeningly like sugar, but no! There are grape-flavored Peeps! And strawberry! Vanilla! Cotton candy! Peppermint! Cocoa! Even the aforementioned alleged chocolate mousse flavored Peeps! Eureka!
Peeps are older than me. The website doesn't give a specific year, but says they celebrated their 50th anniversary in 2003. I celebrated my 50th in 2008. Wikipedia (yeah, I went there too) says they were introduced nationally in 1958, which is the year I was introduced locally.
In the early 50's, it took 27 minutes to make a Peep. Today, it takes only 6 minutes. But it's always taken an hour to actually chew one and swallow it.
Peeps were invented by a Russian immigrant, who also invented a machine to automatically poke sticks into lollipops. Do they offer a Nobel Prize for candy innovations?
The company website listed lots of "fun facts" about Peeps, but on Wikipedia, I found some frightening facts:
- There is a Peeps fan club. I thought about joining, but I'm afraid I don't have enough cavities to qualify.
- There are sugar-free peeps. Really, Peeps people, what is the point?
- In Canada, you can get red Peeps chicks. Red chicks? Obviously a communist plot. Hey, you liberal Canadian commies, get your own gross candy!
- Scientists at Emory University conducted a study of Peeps (forget about a cure for cancer or solution to global warming) and found they are insoluble in acetone, sulfuric acid, and sodium hydroxide. I don't know what sulfuric acid and sodium hydroxide are, but acetone is what you use to remove nail polish. I am sure I don't have any of those things in my stomach, so what exactly does it take to digest a Peep?
- There is a documentary called "Power of the Peep: A Marshmallow Meets America." I know I have written two blog posts about Peeps, but a documentary? Seriously?
- Somewhere out there, Peeps lip balm is available in grape, strawberry, vanilla and cotton candy flavors. No chocolate mousse? I'm soooooo disappointed.
- A "Peeps & Co." store was scheduled to open this year in Prince George County, Maryland. A store? For Peeps? Not only are they insoluble, apparently they are also recession-proof!
The Peeps website chirps that Peeps lovers can enjoy their treats year around! I don't think they meant that one treat would last a year, but I'm pretty sure you can start eating one today, and by next year at this time, it'll still be there in your gastronomical landfill. I'm just sayin ...
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