I'm Just Sayin'

Dear Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf:

We’ve never met, and probably never will. Everything I know about you, I have read in media reports. I’m not a Muslim. I’m not anything, really, when it comes to religion. I’ve referred to myself as a “recovering Catholic” at times. But actually, my spiritual beliefs are best described as very personal, non-denominational, humanist and naturist. I believe you should treat others as you want to be treated, that you should serve those less fortunate, that God is more accessible in a forest than in a chapel, and that when we die, we go to a sort of spiritual compost pile, from which all life is created. I know it’s weird, so if you stop reading now, I understand.

I don’t go to church, and I don’t sing hymns and I don’t read the Bible or any other “sacred text.” But I am an American, and therefore, I stand up for those who do all those things. I don’t care if you’re Baptist, Methodist, Jewish, Muslim, Universalist or whatever. I admit that Pentecostals give me the willies, but I still support their right to worship in whatever way they see fit (as long as they put the snakes back in the cages when they are finished, and make sure the door is closed and locked.)

Anyway Imam Rauf, that’s a long lead in to what I want to say. I want to say I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that your building project has gotten so much negative attention. I think a community center is a splendid idea, and I hope you get to proceed, wherever you choose to do it.

I’m sorry that your faith is so sadly mischaracterized because of the actions of some extremists. I’m sorry that you are stereotyped as a terrorist.

But most of all, I am sorry that you are apparently going to be bullied into meeting with the Right Reverend Terry Jones from Florida’s Dove World Outreach Center. According to news reports, the good pastor is on a plane to New York even as I write this. He’s agreed to postpone his Quran bonfire in exchange for a sit-down with you. The same news reports say that you have not agreed to the meeting. I don’t blame you for not wanting to sit in the same room with a man who has publicly denounced your faith and has urged his followers – all 50 of his congregation – to join him in burning your sacred texts.

By the way, I find it ironic that Pastor Jones presides over the DOVE WORLD OUTREACH CENTER. Dove: a symbol of peace. World: a big collection of diverse cultures and religions. Outreach: an effort to help the community. Center: well, it is located in the middle of Florida.

Of course you are under no obligation to meet with the Right Reverend. But I hope you will, if only to defuse his inflammatory and un-godlike crusade against Islam. The politicos warn that Jones’ bonfire could spark violence against our troops in Afghanistan, and other Americans in Islamic lands. Unfortunately, you might be the only one who can do anything to prevent that. So, please, take one for the team.

I’m sorry that Pastor Jones’ crusade has garnered so much attention around the world. I hope that the world community won’t judge all Americans by the actions of this mutton-chop mustachioed, gun-toting, Mel Gibson-loving man of “God.” (It’s true: when Iman Muhammad Musri from Orlando arrived at the Dove World Outreach Center to try and talk some sense into Jones, he found the Right Reverend, his wife, son and assistant pastor locked in the “outreach center” sporting handguns. They met across the reverend’s desk, under a poster of Mel Gibson in Braveheart.)

Finally, I’m sorry that in his zealous desire to inflame and incite, Jones apparently does not realize that he has become what he claims to despise. He’s threatened a highly offensive action against a segment of our society. He’s recruited others to aid in the attack. And in effect, Imam Rauf, he is holding you hostage to his self-serving demands.

The Right Reverend Terry Jones is a terrorist. I’m just sayin.