I'm Just Sayin'

Part 1: Kitten learns that dog treats may disrupt digestive system, access to bedroom restricted as a result

A kitten who consumed an entire bag of chicken-flavored dog chews has experienced nausea and is now restricted from entering a lower level bedroom and bath, according to an inside source. The adventurous cat reportedly climbed a set of built-in shelves to access the bag of treats, causing a basketful of pet supplies to tumble to the floor. The cat then allegedly consumed the treats, and vomited on a bed.

A source who chose to remain anonymous said a second cat in the household could have joined in the caper, but it was unlikely since “the two are not known to collaborate.” The source said a “devoted pet sitter” noticed the vomit and removed a bed sheet which had been placed on the bed to protect the more valuable quilt.

“Apparently, the laundry lady washed the sheet and put it away somewhere, so there was nothing to cover the bed with,” the source said. As a result, the litter box, toys, food and water bowls were relocated from an adjacent bathroom, and the bedroom and bath were sealed. The bag of cat food in was secured in an upper right-hand cabinet in the lower level kitchen.

“Clearly, if the cat ate the dog treats, you can’t allow him access to a bag of cat food,” the source quoted the sitter.

The kitten has recovered from his gastronomical distress, but is accusing the pet sitter and the laundry lady of conspiring to deny his rights to access the bedroom and bath.

Part 2: Precocious kitten, distressed over being confined indoors, takes to gambling.

An active kitten who reportedly enjoys his outdoor adventures apparently became anxious at being confined to the house during his owner’s absence, and took up gambling, according to the pet sitter. The sitter reports that on two separate visits to the home, she found a single die on the floor. After the first visit, the sitter says she placed the die on a kitchen counter on the lower level, but by the next visit, it was back on the floor.

“It’s obviously an addiction at this point,” she said. “I don’t know where the die came from, but it’s possible that on one of his previous prowls, he came in contact with some neighborhood cats, and they introduced him to some bad habits. Thank God he has not begun abusing catnip.”

The sitter reports that so far, the cat has rolled a three and a four. “He’s not ready for Vegas yet,” she said.

Part 3: Cat counting days until owner’s return

An adventurous kitten confined to portions of his house is reportedly counting the days until his owners return from a trip, and is using the kitchen calendar to do so. A longtime pet sitter reported today that a calendar which normally hangs on the wall above the litter box was found inside the litter box. The sitter admitted that the calendar could have fallen on its own, but said that recent history led her to believe the cat was involved.

Recent reports indicate the cat has been involved in a neighborhood cat gambling ring, and has been accused of stealing dog treats. “He’s really a very sweet cat,” said the sitter. “But he’s anxious because he can’t go outside.”

According to the sitter, the cat’s owners routinely allow him to roam freely outdoors, but decided to confine him indoors due to curfew violations and a fear that he might be kidnapped. “He’s very attractive and outgoing, and has been known to attract all sorts of attention,” she said.

No damage was reported to the calendar, which was securely reattached to the bulletin board.